Life as a Hedge Knight

The Shrewsbury Faire, Oregon's most extravagant Rennaisance Faire, was a festive gathering featuring medieval costumery, jugglers, and jousters. It was also a great excuse to grow another chia sproutfit.

These kids had a hundred questions about how I grow sproutfits....and why. Tea Leaf leis supplied by my mother and sister in Hawaii added that extra something to the costume.

A woman in late medieval garb telling me she has never seen anything so green and bushy.
I encountered this mild-mannered woodsman on a forest trail as I made my way toward the tournament joust.
Do you know how many Chia Pets I had to kill to make this costume? Frequent watering is required to keep the sprouts perky in direct sunlight. I was sadly withered by the end of the day. But by then I had proved my point...whatever that point may have been.

The Mad Rooster

Wooohoo! I love a parade! Especially one featuring a bunch of co-op members dressed as funky chickens dancing to an endless loop recording of our favorite chicken tunes. Here are some pictures of our float from this year's Newport Loyalty Days Parade.
Doug was absolutely on fire as The Mad Rooster: sprinting, leaping, throwing candy, doing push-ups and dancing with the cheering onlookers. It was non-stop entertainment until he collapsed in the back of the pick-up/float.

Linda, as Yolkana White, had a more subtle approach to candy distribution. At times, stopping to briefly talk to kids or to lay an egg.

The odd assortment of costumes include a large quantity of paper mache and feathers. The float was decked out with Lucky Cluck banners on all sides.


Fred Meyer Bear can join our float anytime.

The Lucky Cluckers finished the parade with a "Special Merit" Ribbon and a very tired, sweaty, Mad Rooster.

My first visit to the Oregon Country Fair

I can't believe it! My last three posts all show me in chia "sproutfits." I guess wearing chia is the only thing that can inspire me to create a post. I should change the name of this blog to "Adventures in Chia."

"Garf" the Caveman joined me along with his massive club. Amy is on fire in her red dress, and Eli is "Tangled Up In Blue."
Being covered with greenery lended itself to the organic nature of the event.
The Country Fair is a joyous freak show featuring a dizzying and non-stop array of performances, food, crafts and parades. The sproutfit was defiantly a big hit! One of the most memorable moments was when the parade of drumming dirt people stopped their procession, surrounded me and started stroking every inch of my greenery. It was overwhelming and kind of freaky. I was petted throughout the day, but these folks really messed up my chia by rubbing their painted selves up against me.
Am I done with chia? Certainly not. Today I did two paintings detailing a much more elaborate and ambitious chia costume for next year.

The Games of the Second Laugh Olympiad

This year's Laugh Olympics proved a hotly contested and slightly bizarre series of events. Unlike last year, with an early winner, the second Laugh Olympics went down to the last event and the announcement of the final winner was a surprise to some.
I tried to take the chia sproutfit to its ridiculous extreme by covering a full-body stocking with the stuff. This difficult attempt proved only moderately successful. It was very difficult to get my body into this thing (through the neck hole) and the contorted efforts resulted in big rips in the suit and patches of chai falling off. People assured me that the rips and missing chunks only enhanced the effect. Maybe, but I would have preferred to have a sharp respectable-looking chia body suit.
The rub-a-dub contest was one of 15 events. It provided some of the better photo ops. Contestants were supplied with a bucket of water and a bar of soap. The victor was the one who used up the most soap in 3 minutes. The controversial winner was actually a woman (not pictured) who cleaned up using an impressive 35g of soap. Runner up when to Brendan, on the right, who used 34g. I am ashamed to say in my test run I only managed 19g. Outkast's tune "So Fresh and Clean" was blasted from deck speakers to add to the overall effect.

My brother's team, the Urohawks, came out with a very narrow win over the Lucky Cluckers, who seem to come in second at every event even though they deserve a victory.

I admit that the day after the Laugh Olympics I brainstormed a list of events for next year...and even wrote a whole a round of "Jeopardy" to use as one of the contests.

"Blast from the Past" Prom

Here Anne and Fran pose in front of their historic photos. This event was all about flashing back to high school, and having a better time than we did then. That was easily achieved.
Anne's wig was well-circulated.
Doug go into a spontanious and intense dance-off with a white-clad stranger. Came out on top after some athletic ground moves.
I debuted my new fashion statement: wearable chia sproutfits.

Dirty dog, I had two dates for the Prom. Here I am with one of them: a disembodied torso named "Candy." My other date was a talking ape named "Bonkers." So yes, it reminded me of high school, but was more fun.

The 2007 Chicken Party

Well, I am about a year behind on this Blog, but hopefully I can redeem myself by making a few entries here. I should at least attempt to cover the major party events. Lets start with the annual "Chicken Party." Here we see Doug, Luke and I about to unveil the new chicken label.
Becca shows off the new label that prominently features her chicken's fluffiest parts.
Dawn with Yolkanna White, the fabulous hostess for "Chicken Jeopardy."
Here we are in the midst of "Chicken Jeopardy" a heated contest that was decided in the final jeopardy round.

The evening ended with the game "Cock Twister."

The Quest for the Amber Starglass

Here we see Kalijanga sparing with Garfe before the Quest for the Amber Starglass begins. The epic struggle saw three teams of freakish birds, beasts, humanoids and monsters go head to head against each other and the powerful guardians of the Starglass. Combatants went through trials of strength, spirit and intellect as they raced to lay hands on the talisman and consume the blessing therein.

Kalijanga shape shifts to human form and takes on a barbaric viking after stealing his helmet.

Garfe being very cave-man like, throwing big rocks.

Uri sheds his 70's Street Pimp garb to toss a rock. If you click on this picture you'll get a look at a face reminiscent of a psychotic rabbit.


The three-way tug-a-war left the victor with the legendary Horn of Valir.

Karen spent several events on Brendan.

The Oracle, Shea'arendril and Kalijanga, Children of Twilight, guided the hordes through the many challenges of the day.

I don't have time to blog!

I am going to attempt to resurrect this blog after ignoring it for several months. I have had too many projects going lately!

Birthday Smack-down

I love a good pinata. They have so much to offer, particularly if you make them yourself. The planning phase allows the maker to explore latent violent tendencies. You ask yourself what would I like to hit with a stick? The construction phase features the wonderfully messy, gooey, sticky process of paper mache over some form of crude structure. Very tactile. Then there is the fun of deciding what to put in the piñata. It’s not just about candy anymore. Any number of oddities, from the delightful to the puzzling, may be included. The destruction of the piñata can be as satisfying as the creation. It affords the opportunity to hit something with a stick. In our society, outside of baseball, this behavior is generally discouraged. Some might also relish the mystery of what is inside the cavernous wrapper of rigid paper and paint. Then there is the competitive aspect of trying to make solid contact with the piñata, and the mad grab for the contents when it falls out.

So, when it came time for Khem and Emily’s join birthday party I didn’t make a piñata. I made two. How could I resist?

Here is Becca hitting the cat piñata with a canoe paddle. I made this one a bit too sturdy and the stick I brought fell apart before the piñata. I’ll note that that this wasn’t an attack on cats in general but rather the sinister feline that attacked and nearly killed my beloved chicken, Penny. Some of her real feathers were coming out if the figure’s mouth. Everyone wanted a whack at W. Here a party-goer dispenses with the stick and does a Karate Kid to the already-battered figure of our 43rd. I believe the piñata lost a leg from this blow.

Of course this birthday party featured a great deal more than a couple of piñata. Everyone had something to contribute. For example, Becca was on margarita duty all evening and Dawn provided the plush “girlfriend” pictured below as a gift to Khem. People enjoyed the oddly dismembered torso throughout the night.

"The Nettles", a fiddle and guitar combo, provided wonderful music to sing and dance to. After that, others stepped forward to share their vocal talent on karaoke. The sharing went on until the wee hours of the morning at which time Amanda provided a mountain of the decedent Scandinavian aebleskyvers for all to enjoy.

Ent wakes up and finds he is strong

A group of Halloween freaks took Newport by storm this Saturday. Lets take a look.

Khem, Amanda and Beca as a fabulous glittering threesome.

I stood in as the ent "Treebeard", a bulky, imposing tree-hearder covered entirely with real mosses, lichens, mushrooms, branches, and bark. The lavish costume's massive false head also featured two painted ping-pong balls as haunting orange eyeballs. We started the evening with the throng at the Oregon Coast Aquarium's "Creatures of the Night." The Ent left the event with a lovely gift basket as a first-place prize.

The very heavy, woody ent costume required a nerd, a copweb and a street walker as full-time support staff. One important function was to pick up pieces of me as the mob of touchy-feely revelers stroked my mosses, lichens and other parts.

Treebeard and the Golden Eagle tied for first place at the Rogue Brewery's costume contest. Both costumes were very engaging but the Eagle garnered louder and luder applause due to her vastly greater sex appeal.

Earl and Pearl, retirees from arid Arizona, had never seen such excessive mossy growth.

By the end of the night I had lost large quantities of mossy debris, several fingers, a mushroom, auxillary branches and my pants. The weighty trousers migrated downward thoughout the evening. I'll be regrowing parts before the Ent appears again later in the week.

The Truimph and Tragedy of Super Fred Meyer

Khem So, mild-mannered civil servant, made a sudden transformation into SUPER FRED MEYER this Friday. The heroic patron of One-Stop-Shopping fearlessly defended Fred Meyer stores across the Northwest until he ripped his crotch. The hero then re-appeared in my living room as a man in plastic shopping bags and a Mexican fighting mask. We continued our preparations for Saturday’s Halloween Festivities.